I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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