When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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