So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
