actually, I'm a sock model
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
