I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
