I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
