Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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