Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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