im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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