I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
