all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
