Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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