I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
