I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So squirting runs in the family.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
