I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
