ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize