Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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