my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
