chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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