theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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