soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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