Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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