Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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