She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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