Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I want is dick and wine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
