I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
