I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize