i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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