why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
