I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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