You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
