if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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