Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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