he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
