Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
