Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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