i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
