I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
