I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
