My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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