So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
