yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I just sharted jello shots
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