all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
