i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
