It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
