Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im calling her cock vulture from now on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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