You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
