We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
