So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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