Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
