can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
