dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
