puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
