Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
