I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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