hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
