I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
