Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
