I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
