Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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