I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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