So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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