Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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