Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
