Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
