fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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