I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
