I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
