Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
