I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
