the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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