No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
